As the new year moves on this month, the days begin to run together as they always have in the past. The holidays slow us down for a brief moment and then we make resolutions. We are excited to basque in the glory days of the new year. And then, bam, here we are in the third week and it's business as usual. I am, however, trying to fight that one. I'm very much living in this moment (as if we have a choice). What I mean is that I am doing my best not to look too far ahead like I usually do. I try to anticipate the future. I make the prediction, "This is my year!" Unfortunately the last few years have taught me that it doesn't matter if it's my year, the world may have other plans. 

At first this idea troubled me. Actually, it pissed me off. How am I supposed to move forward and make my place in this world when there is pandemic, climate, change, and political unrest? Oh! and some dumb fuck keeps threatening to nuke the world? The world is fucking dumpster fire. 

That's just it isn't it? There is nothing I can do to control the powers that be so I am forced to revel in the joy of this moment. I may not be able to look as forward as I would like. I am cautiously optimistic for what lies ahead in my life and my career. What I can do is indeed look back at what I have accomplished. 

This last year, I grew in more ways than I ever thought I would. For the first time, I was an employer. That alone is a feet in itself. The salon did well. I made a web series and filmed 8 episodes of the 10 I had set to make. That's pretty damn good. I taught some classes and made strides in a social media following which is helping my business. And more than ever this last year, I was inspired by women who are fighting for their lives and spitting in the face-off cancer. I am watching single moms kick ass. And I am allowing the mentors in my life to mentor me. 

One thing I have not fully learned, because I am a fighter, is to keep my mouth shut. When I see injustice or misinformation, I am inflamed. When I see people I thought I loved not line up with. my value system, I get angry. I want point out with all the logic in the word about why they are wrong. There is a better way. But alas, it fall on deaf ears. Or in the case of social media, deaf keyboards? I don't know. What I do know is that I can't change the world. I can change me. So, that's what I'm doing one day at a time. I'm choosing kindness over hate. I am leading with compassion instead of, "God you're a moron. How are you alive in the world?" It's hard and some days I fail. But instead of making a comment or posting my usual passive/aggressive opinion, I instead show what I'm doing to change my world. Or at least the world around me. I'm not going to lie. I do at least comment out loud, "Wow aren't you a big piece of shit!" and then I scroll on. 

The great Alanis Morissette has said. "The only way out is through." Here I am going through one day at a time and doing my best to be grateful...with lots of opinions that I am stuffing down. Carry on. Carry on.